Apologies, but it's time for a little grumble...
All in all I am doing so much better, I feel great and my recovery is going brilliantly considering it's only been three weeks since surgery. I know that things could be so much worse in general, and at the end of the day the bag is just a minor inconvenience and 'shouldn't' really stop me doing anything. But I guess I'm just feeling a little frustrated and a bit low the last couple of days.
Had another leak from the bag yesterday and whilst it was at home and was easy to address quickly at home (much easier than by the side of the road!) it just dents my confidence in what I might be able to do and my confidence in the products I'm using. And lets face it, it's never nice having poop leaking all over your stomach..
I think the realisation that this bag is going to be there forever is now dawning. I'm swinging wildly from euphoria that I'm better, feeling great and able to eat again, to feeling a little miserable that I'm stuck with this and the limitations. And when it leaks.. well that's just plain annoying and feels like a massive set back.
I'm part of a forum online called healingwell.com where other people with ileostomies share their stories and support each other. My 'bag friends' as hubby calls them! But they are a source of amazing support, encouragement and advice and I wouldn't be where I am now without them. Many people on there share the same emotions - we wouldn't be human really otherwise and I know they'll say it's early days and what I'm feeling is perfectly normal.
Many of them have lived with stomas for years and I'm a relative newbie at all of this. But patience has never been my strong point and I'm just desperate to recover, cope with this bl**dy bag and get back to fitness. But.. it's probably time for my own advice and I know what I'd be saying to someone else in the same boat. It's only been 3 weeks and I need to stop being so hard on myself.
So.. it's time for a little perspective and to give myself some TLC. Sometimes this feels like a huge burden.. but I have to change my mindset and appreciate what it brings me instead. No need to be grumpy really is there?..
"Every burden is a blessing" Robert H. Schuller