And I'm feeling goooood!

I've had a really good week, finally thrown off my cold and am actually feeling really really well!   When people ask me how I'm doing now, I love being able to answer 'REALLY good thanks!' it's a far cry from where I was only 6 months ago when the answer was more like 'ugghhh... bloody awful'.  I'm pretty sure most of my friends got fed up of asking me... and for that I apologise!


Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but I don't think I had any idea just how poorly I was and how hard things had become. I'd gotten used to living a weird sort of normal and was just trying to  make the most of it, struggling with a brave face, with occasional moan. Now I'm in a totally different place and can feel my energy levels and fitness starting to come back and I'm feeling so much better being able to eat more healthily again. My body is slowly starting to feel slightly more toned and stronger again and I'm enjoying the 'ache' from doing my core work! I must be doing it right. It still far from where I want it to be, but it's progress and at least I feel like there are some muscles coming out of hibernation!


I feel like I'm glowing and have my sparkle back! wow! how great is that?


I'm struggling with my diet a bit though and feel quite confused about what to eat. Some experts recommend that people with an ileostomy like mine shouldn't eat nuts, stringy foods, sweetcorn, fruit or veg with skins etc - basically things that could cause a blockage. I have to say, I'm not especially cautious and give most things a go, but some things work better than others and it's a case of trial and error. Foods like nuts, grapes, oats and sweetcorn aren't great and I'm confused about fibre, electrolytes and healthy oils.  It would be easy to use the stoma as an excuse and just eat highly processed cr@p as it's easier to digest, but I want to give my body the best chance of recovery and to be as healthy as possible.


So what I need now is some expert advice to get to grips with my new digestive system! What's the point eating a nut when it comes out in pretty much the same state? I can't possibly be absorbing any nutrients from it. So I was really excited to meet a Nutritional Therapist this morning at a friend's health shop opening, who I've booked an appointment with.  She didn't balk when I mentioned the ileostomy and felt confident she'd be able to help me. I'm really looking forward to seeing her and seeing how she can advise me. I must have been inspired because I'm sitting here drinking jasmine tea of all things!! not like me at all. And it's actually quite nice.


As far as training goes, I've also been out on my bike twice this week, done my core stability work AND been running 4 times.  The sub 140bpm heartrate thing is really working and even though I'm going incredibly slowly (running 11 min mile pace! good grief!), I can feel my fitness creeping back slowly. Monitoring my heartrate like this makes me feel confident that I'm absorbing the training and recovering now instead of pushing too hard, and I feel in control.


I made it back to my running club on Wednesday night for my first club night in months and was pretty nervous beforehand. I'm the slowest runner in the club by far now which is frustrating, especially considering where I once was, and the club is pretty fast and competitive. But lovely hubby and another friend Dave ran with me and a lady who'd just had a baby, so I even though we were right at the back, only did half the route and walked up all the hills - it was still nice and I really enjoyed the feeling of doing something 'normal'. 


I feel like I've turned a corner this last week and I'm feeling really positive and happy! I had a glorious run this morning at Bedgebury forest this morning. 40 minutes of uninterrupted bliss - and I ran the whole thing without having to walk any hills. It's really beautiful there and at this time of year when the sun shines, its' just heaven. How could you not enjoy running in a place like this??  It makes you glad to be alive and lucky to being able to run. I know what it feels like to have it all taken away and I don't think I'll ever take running or my health for granted again. 

Beautiful Bedgebury

9 weeks post surgery .. and life goes on

I've been trying to find time to write a blog for the last 2 weeks and have been so busy I haven't had a minute to sit down at the computer.  Life is certainly 'back to normal' now and I'm rushing about, back on the hamster wheel of the school run, after school activities, work, coaching, housework and just, well, life. 


On one hand that's fantastic and I'm so grateful I feel better enough just to cope with it all (I couldn't before the operation), but on the other hand I have to remember I'm only 9 weeks post surgery and still recovering from a pretty long ordeal.  Another close friend recently had surgery to remove a fibroid and we were comparing experiences and levels of exhaustion! one of the problems of laprascopic surgery is that recovery - in the sense of the abdominal wound - is so much quicker, and it lulls you into a false sense of security. We forget about the effects of the general anaesthetic and general trauma on your body and that takes much longer to recover from even when the wounds have effectively healed.


Talking of begin run down.. I'm also still struggling on with this cold/sinus infection which I've now had for nearly 3 weeks. A sure sign my immune system is fairly low and my body is struggling to recover and cope. I've always been prone to sinus infections and always need antibiotics to shift it - there's also a strong correlation between my training level and the number of infections I get. I've had so many antibiotics for my stomach over the last year though, I think I'm must be a bit resistant as it's taking it's time to shift. Hopefully it'll start to improve soon, as at the moment that's the only thing that's stopping me from getting back into training!  It's ironic that only 9 weeks after getting a stoma/ileostomy bag I'm more frustrated by a cold!


One of the problems with an ileostomy is that because I don't have a colon, I don't absorb things in the same way. So certain medications and tablets - such as painkillers, vitamins and the contraceptive pill - don't get fully absorbed properly.  I try to choose chewable, soluable or liquid formats when possible and it's tricky trying to figure out what works best. It's a huge learning curve and a case of trial and error (I wont' be taking that approach to my contraceptive pill though ;-)).  I'm experimenting with various vitamin supplements too as I'm trying to boost my immunity.


On the subject of 'THE BAG', things are much improved and the stoma is completely healed now. I rarely have leaks anymore and I've got a great changing routine going in the morning which allows me 5 minutes of bag freedom in the shower. I have been experimenting with different products and styles and having tried out about 6 different brands, have gone back to the original one I started with. I've started getting a bit complacent lately though and dashing out of the house without my changing kit.. it's a good sign as it means I've pretty much forgotten the bag is even there. But it's a huge risk as the possibility of a leak is always present.. and if that happened and I didn't have my kit... well the consequences aren't worth thinking about. I just need to remember to pop it in my bag and get into a routine.. otherwise things could get messy. 


Anyway.. you may remember that I had entered Tunbridge Wells 10km a few weeks ago in the hope I'd be fit enough to at least jog round. Well it's tomorrow and there is no way I'm in any shape to even complete the distance! It was probably a bit optimistic anyway so I'm not hugely disappointed, but what's interesting is that I ran the very same race last year when I had a temporary bag. It was only 8 weeks after I'd had surgery at that time (and a more serious operation too) and I got fit enough to not only complete the distance but in a half decent time of 53 minutes.  But this time I'm coming from a much lower base level prior to surgery. I'm now recovering from the accumulative effect of 14 months of surgeries and illness and that's going to be harder to come back from.  So Brighton 10km in November is now my goal and I'll just have to see how things go.. NO pressure!


I really haven't been doing much training to be honest, but what I have done has all been at a very low intensity and I'm monitoring my heartrate to keep it under 140bpm at all times.  This means running really slowly and walking up hills - I feel like wearing a disguise so no-one recognises me. I really am starting from scratch all over again.


What has been fantastic though, is getting back to coaching my beginner running group in the last week. I started Sarah's Runners nearly 8 years ago now and we focus on coaching beginner and intermediate runners. The group has grown over the years and we now see close to 80 runners each week. I had 2 months off after the operation, and various fantastic friends and helpers have kept the group going in my absence. Last week was my first week back and I was met with a lovely reception, lots of new faces and a great atmosphere! I always tend to run at the back with new beginners and jog/walkers so it's great for me at the moment and I can really empathise with where they're at too. It's such a positive environment and even though I'm at rock bottom personally, it's great to help other people progress and develop a love of running. It's definitely the best bit of my job!


Last Sunday we were helping out at a race that our club organise. The Eridge Park 10 is a ten mile cross county race in a local park and attracts around 500 runners.  I was helping out with timing on the finish line and even though I had fun and really enjoyed it, I developed a serious case of 'skinny fit runner' envy. That used to be me! Now I'm seriously unfit, have to carry a bag of poop attached to my stomach, am 10lbs heavier than I'd like and I have a cold.  To make matters worse, my friend (and ex cycling partner) Richard was doing his first Ironman on Sunday too. We had planned to do our first Ironman together in Copenhagen, and last year when I was supposedly getting back to normal, we both entered. Things didn't work out at all and by Xmas it was clear there was no way I could do it, so we pulled out. Richard however, continued training and entered Ironman Wales instead. He has trained so hard and done just brilliantly. He completely the tough hilly course in 13 hours 32 minutes and I was so proud of him! It was a gutsy performance and a fantastic achievement. I found myself wishing I'd been able to do it too. On Sunday night, I was feeling ever so slightly grumpy and for the first time since all of this began, felt a little bit sorry for myself.


By Monday however, I'd pulled myself together and was in a more positive frame of mind. I was having a 'rehab' session with Elle and Mitch from StrideUK in Brighton and was really excited to get assessed and focus on some key exercises to improve my core stability and posture. Elle and Mitch are both amazingly knowledgeable about core stability, injury prevention and running gait and I wanted their advice to help me figure out what the priorities are for me now and to give me some structure to my programme.  


To cut a long story short, things are pretty bad (hardly surprising really) and my TVA (transverse abdominals) are at about 20% of where they should be.  Trying to run too much now with a weakness like that is a sure fire way to injury, so I'm determined to follow Elle's suggestions and get my strength back first. I have a series of exercises to do to which take around 30 minutes in total and I have to do them 3 times per week. But this isn't about getting a toned stomach or a six-pack (my bikini days are long gone!) but more about strengthening the stabilising muscles around my stomach, lower back, glutes and shoulder girdle to prevent injury. 


Most running injuries are caused by having a weak core, by the pelvis moving too much during running or by some sort of muscle imbalance or weakness. So a sore knee is acutally the product of weak glutes. Most runners would benefit from following a programme like this and to be honest I'm looking forward to the challenge and it gives me something to focus on. 


I'm determined to do everything I can to keep myself as strong, fit and healthy. I know what it feels like to have your health taken away and my priorities are totally different now. 


That said, I've got a mad plan. If all goes well and I somehow manage to shift this cold and get running again, I'll first aim for Brighton 10km in November and then I'd love to be able to take part in the London Marathon again next April. It'll be a huge ask and I'm sure the path will be littered with sinus infections, colds and niggles... BUT if I can do it, it will mean I'm normal again.  My benchmark is this - I'll know I've recovered when I can run a marathon... is that insane??


Then... if I manage to do that, I have an even more crazy plan with my great friend Nicola (wife of Ironman Richard).  Next June I'll turn 40 and there is an amazing looking race on 23/24th June called The Wall which would be a perfect way to celebrate. It runs the entire length of Hadrian's Wall, from Carlisle to Newcastle and it's got me excited just thinking about it. It's 65 miles in total and you run half of it on day one, camp overnight and then run the remaining 30 miles the second day. It would be a fitting tribute to my recovery and a brilliant way to celebrate turning 40, running with a good friend and just being part of something so amazing.  Very crazy I know.. but lets see how things go. It would be an amazing challenge and a fantastic achievement. 


Although based on the fact I can't currently run 10km.. it might just be a step too far. We shall see!

I really should know better!

So that little burst of 'activity' a couple of weeks ago sort of backfired! It turns out it may have been a little bit 'too much too soon' and I've spent the last week fighting a nasty sore throat and a cold. I feel like I've taken 2 steps backwards which is hugely frustrating.

At the time I was so thrilled at feeling better, being able to get out running and cycling and if I'm honest, escape from the house for some peace, my enthusiasm got the better of me and I just pushed things a bit too much. I should know better.. but the excitement of feeling so good took advantage of my better judgement. 

I've always been prone to 'overtraining syndrome' and can get run down very easily if I do too much. I'm usually very cautious about recovery, nutrition and rest. But the rules have all changed now and I need to carefully reconsider what I'm capable of and allow more recovery time than I ever thought I'd need. What I thought was relatively gentle training, turned out to be too much for where I'm at right now. I think it was that last 40 minute run that pushed things over the edge. For a 40 minute run to be too much!!!! for goodness sake.. I really am at a very low point.

But it's no wonder though really.. my body has been through a lot and my immune system must be rock bottom. My diet was pretty limited for nearly a year and my intake of fruit and vegetables wasn't great, I've had 5 general anaesthetics and the trauma of the illness and surgeries have really taken it out of me. I don't think I'm going to bounce back as quickly as I might like!

This has taught me a valuable lesson though and once I'm recovered from this virus it's back to the drawing board.

So when I'm feeling a bit better I'm going to approach my training in a completely different way. I've followed a heart rate training method in the past which has worked a treat. Its' really hard and hugely frustrating but it works! It involves keeping my heartrate under 75% of my maximum HR all of the time.. which works out at 140 bpm. That is a tough call!! It means walking up hills and running VERY slowly. If my heartrate rises above 140bpm, I have to walk or slow down until it comes back down. But the system does work and when I've done it in the past it has helped me recover from a spell of overtraining. It will help control my enthusiasm and prevent me from pushing things too much.

I also need to make a concerted effort with my nutrition and to make sure I get enough sleep. I guess I have to remember I'm only 8 weeks out of surgery and whilst I'm much improved and feeling better, I'm still in the recovery phase and need to take it slowly and not push myself. That, as I'm sure you know by now, isn't easy!

Whilst frustrating though, this little cold didn't prevent us from getting out and about on holiday last week and we had a great time walking and biking in the Lake District. To celebrate the 7 week anniversary of my operation we climbed the Old Man of Coniston which is 800m and a really challenging walk. I had major jelly legs on the way back down. We also did some gentle mountain biking, walking, fishing and a tour of all the best cake shops and tea rooms in the Lake District! It was a lovely break and meant more because it's something I couldn't have contemplated before I had this surgery. 

Top of the Old Man of Coniston 800m

Mountain biking in Grizedale Forest

So, the summer holidays are over, the boys are back to school this week and my thoughts are turning to work, writing and coaching again. I've had a long break from proper work and my mind is buzzing with exciting ideas and opportunities. I've got a new website in the offing, a couple of coaching courses planned and plenty of ideas for articles and a new book! As always though, I have to curb my natural drive and enthusiasm and be careful I don't take on too much and push too hard too soon. As ever, the biggest challenge for me is to be patient!

I start back coaching my beginner running group tomorrow after a 2 month break, and I can't wait to see everyone and get back to normal. I just hope they're gentle with me as I'm not sure I'll be able to keep up !

6 weeks on and signed off from surgeon!

I saw my surgeon yesterday for my 6 week check, and am officially signed off! He doesn't need to see me ever again. So as long as I don't have any complications with the stoma, develop a hernia or diversion colitis (which is a slight possibility and would require another surgery - sigh) I don't need any further appointments, tests or treatment! So that's it.. I have a 'bag for life' and will live with my stoma forever. But that's fine by me.. most of the time now I barely even notice it's there. I do of course always have the support of my stoma nurse Lesley who is an angel and always there at the end of the phone or email. 

Saying goodbye to my surgeon did make me reflect over the last 16 months though and thought I'd make a list of all the things that I've gone through:

4 surgeries - emergency surgery to treat peritonitis, sigmoid colectomy/stoma formation, stoma reversal, laparascopy/stoma formation
5 CT scans (with contrast)
1 MRI Scan (with contrast)
1 Colonoscopy
3 Gastrograffin enemas
1 small bowel follow through
2 transit tests with Xray
14 consultations with 3 different consultants (inc a world leading professor)
1 incorrect diagnosis of SIBO
8 courses of antibiotics
4 IV courses of antibiotics
22 days in hospital

I guess that puts things in perspective... Sometimes I get awful flashbacks to the times in hospital, especially the first admission when I was in so much pain with peritonitis and no-one knew what was wrong. But those flashbacks are getting less with time and I'm finding myself excited about the future instead and feeling physically and emotionally stronger every day.

I have even bought a proper pair of jeans - not leggings, jeggings or jogging pants - proper demin jeans with a zip and everything. Small things like that are quite exciting really and all signs of recovery and just being 'normal' again. I haven't worn jeans for so long and living in leggings and smocks gets pretty depressing after a while. Simple things I used to take for granted before like eating, sleeping, exercise and even wearing jeans, I'm so grateful for now. It's certainly been a life changing experience.

So, we are on holiday this weekend and are off to climb mountains, ride bikes and have fun in the Lake District. I cannot wait.. the next blog will be a photo of me at the top of a mountain!

No-one said it would be easy!

I woke up this morning feeling like I'd run a marathon. I hadn't of course.. but over the last few days I've done a short run every day, culminating in my longest run yesterday of 40 minutes and all in all I'm feeling pretty tired. So tired in fact that I nearly cancelled a bike ride that I had planned this afternoon - but in the end I was really glad I didn't. I went out with Hatty and Sue (who is also recovering from illness) and we took on some serious hills and rose to the challenge! I felt stronger and fitter than last week and although we didn't ride quite as far, it was lovely to be out and I can feel my confidence returning in terms of handling skills on the bike and pushing the pace up hills. Another fab ride with great company!

To be honest I've probably done a little too much over the last few days, but have been taking advantage of hubby being at home to keep an eye on the boys and have just been grateful for a bit of peace and 'me' time. I love the freedom that running brings and being able to just escape for half an hour is utter bliss! Makes me realise just how much I've missed it over the last year.

I'm also loving that feeling of being 'tired' from exercise and being so active is helping my sleep and also my digestion which is still sluggish. But I'm also very aware of the need for rest - especially now while I'm still recovering - so I'm going to take a few days off, have a few early nights now and listen to what my tired body is telling me!

Running is feeling much harder in general though and so far it's not getting any easier. I feel like I'm lumbering - not running - and it's just SO tough. My form has gone to pieces and everything hurts and wobbles and I'm really not enjoying it much! You know that amazing feeling when you're running and everything is flowing, your body is floating along effortlessly almost in a meditative state??... well it's NOTHING like that. I can only hope it gets easier.

My race number came through for the Tunbridge Wells 10km - in exactly 3 weeks time - and I'm beginning to question my sanity in entering it so soon. It's a tough, hilly course and I know it's going to be really hard. It's a lovely race though and in aid of Hospice in the Weald where my dad died, so a great cause and therefore always emotional. I'll just have to plug away at the running before race day and hope for the best! The goal is just to be there, get round and enjoy the atmosphere... or something like that. I know I'll feel frustrated not being able to run as fast as I want to... but I think some perspective might be in order. It's not just the 'only 9 weeks post surgery' bit.. but the '16 months of illness/no training and 3 other operations' bit that I need to remember.

One of the toughest things I'm finding in coping with the ileostomy, is the volume of fluid I have to drink. I have an increased risk of dehydration as I lose so much fluid and salts through my stoma. Consequently I have to keep on top of my fluid intake 24/7 which gets pretty annoying as I have to carry a waterbottle EVERYWHERE. I use nuun tablets in my water bottles every single day, which helps to replace the electrolytes but without the calories from sticky sports drinks and I drink a pint before I even get out of bed in the morning. I can feel ill pretty quickly if my salt or fluid levels go down though, so it's going to be the biggest challenge as I increase the distances that I'm running and riding. It's a great excuse to have a 'guilt free' packet of salty crisps though!

Alcohol is another major challenge and contributes to the dehydration problems even if I just have one glass of wine. I can have a hangover after 2 glasses and find myself hunting out the lowest alcohol percentage on bottles and mixing it with water! so I'm finding it's best to keep it to the minimum. Not necessarily a bad thing.. just another step on the learning curve. One of my online 'bag buddies' commented on a forum that he had 3 glasses of wine and ended up in hospital on an IV drip. So I guess I'll just have to be cautious - I never want to see another hospital again, especially for a hangover!

So here I am... 6 weeks post surgery today and I've just done 4 consecutive days of exercise. A total of 2.5 hours of training over 4 days. No it wasn't easy at all, there were bits I didn't really enjoy, but I did it and I'm well on the way to recovery. I'm seeing my surgeon on Wednesday for 'sign off' (I hope) and can't wait to tell him how well I'm doing.

None of what I'm trying to do is easy, but I'm not complaining - I'm just trying to create an accurate and honest record of my feelings and challenges. I'm lucky there was a solution to my illness and I can begin to do the things I love again - even if it's a bit hard right now. I'm also blessed with an amazing support network of friends and family with my fantastic hubby right at the top. He has no qualms about the bag or the implications and I'm incredibly lucky to have him.

So, I'm going to finish by stealing a quote that my friend Tony posted on his blog today and it made me smile... 'The secret of happiness is to count your blessings while others are adding up their troubles'. How true.

Right I'm off for a rest now! Promise...

'I may not be there yet, but I'm closer than I was yesterday'. Unknown

And so I am... 


Today I've got that lovely tired feeling you get after hard physical exertion - something I haven't felt for a long time.  Yesterday, along with my friend Hatty, I cycled 23 miles - my longest ride since June 2010 (14 months ago).  To begin with I was pretty nervous, especially about the hills, and took it very easy not wanting to push myself. The feeling of being out of breath is a bit alien! But as the ride went on I could feel my confidence grow and towards the end I was starting to push the pace a little and felt stronger - although the hills were still tough. It was a great ride, we had a lovely chat and it was fantastic to be out in the beautiful countryside. To be truthful we'd only planned to ride 15-20 miles depending on how we felt, but we did take a little unintentional 'detour'.. so it was perhaps a bit more than I should have done at this stage.  I was tired afterwards, and yes I'm pretty weary today. But it's a different sort of tired - a 'post exercise tired' not an 'ill tired'.. and there's a huge and wonderful difference!  


It's not just my lack of fitness that's a problem though. The loss of confidence in my body, fitness and ability is profound and has taken me by surprise. I've been out of the game so long I've lost the ability know what my body can do (or not) and it's going to take a while to not only regain fitness, but rebuild that lost confidence and ability. That will go hand in hand with my recovery though, and I as know from coaching beginner runners and personal training with cardiac rehab clients, confidence comes with improved fitness and seeing results - however small. 


Over the last few days I've noticed that I've started to forget the bag is even there. There is no discomfort now the stitches are out, I don't feel it at all when I'm running or riding and I've not had a leak for over a week! result! this all helps build my confidence in what I can do, clothes I can wear and places we can go.  Eating is just a joy now too and I'm loving the fact I can eat fruit, meat and salad and my body is feeling healthier as a result already.  We are having a family weekend away soon and staying in a boutique hotel/gastro pub which has a reputation for amazing food.  Now I can eat again properly and not worry about the consequences of every mouthful, I'm so excited about going away and being able to enjoy a delicious meal and good wine. It makes me realise just how miserable my life was before I had this surgery and how grateful I am that there was a solution. 


Every day I feel like I'm progressing and every time I go out - whether it's for a run or a ride - I do a little bit more, feel stronger and more positive. I've got a couple of 10km events already in the pipeline, but find my mind racing ahead and wondering what I might be capable of doing in the long term. Could I EVER contemplate that Ironman I never got to do? It would be a huge challenge given  everything, but it's not impossible. There is an athlete in America who has an ileostomy and has completed Hawaii Ironman - an incredible achievement for any triathlete, let alone someone dealing with the challenges of an ileostomy. His story is here John Dermengian - I keep reading it and wondering... could I do that too??  but I mustn't get ahead of myself. This is all about small steps - but it's certainly a carrot that is dangling and just thinking about it gives me goosebumps.  One line in his article really stands out 'Opportunity comes from adversity'.. what a great attitude. I love that.. it's so true.


I have an entry for the London Marathon next April which was transferred from this year when I wasn't well. Could I really do it this time?? I've done it 3 times before and can easily imagine the amazing atmosphere, cheering crowds and emotions I'd feel.. not to mention the pain and hard work involved.  The London Marathon is emotional at the best of times, but to be able to get fit enough to do it given what I've been through, would be an amazing achievement.  Is 8 months really enough time to recover properly from 14 months of illness and 4 operations, and train for a marathon? Well lets give it a try... 

My lovely dad

When I was a little girl, my lovely old dad used to tell me I could do anything. He instilled a confidence in me to try anything and not be afraid of failure. I'll never forget taking my driving test. We couldn't get a slot for the test in our home town and so he said 'ask if there is anywhere else you can do it'.. 'yes there's a slot in Wrexham next week' was the reply. Wrexham was 45 miles away, I'd never been there and it meant the test would be only 10 days after my 17th birthday. 'Ok' he said 'lets do it'. He taught me to drive in 10 days and I passed first time. My dad died 6 years ago, and I really miss him, his encouragement and his confidence in me. He believed I could do anything and let me try even though I might fail. I'll be forever grateful to him for that gift. 

Running.. again!

So I'm just back from my second run since surgery and I'm feeling pretty wonderful... and I christened a pair of brand new trainers that have been sitting in my cupboard since January. I bought them in a hopeful moment, but never got to wear them.  They've been waiting for me to feel well enough to do them justice.. and today, 8 months later, I felt just like that. Anyway here they are.. and they've been used! they were lovely too. They are K-Swiss Keahou, lightweight and just the best running shoes.


Anyway... today's run was a whole 7 minutes longer than the one I did on Tuesday. 27 lovely minutes of running (shuffling). I'm not measuring distance yet, it would be too demoralising. But it's a short route around my house, with a few hills and I only had to walk up one of them.  To be honest my legs (and arms too!) were pretty sore after Tuesday's 20 minute jaunt, so I've been cautious about making sure I was feeling recovered before I tried anything else.  I've also got quite a few aches and pains. My right ITB and knee aren't great, both calves are really tight, my right piriformus is niggling and something is going on in my left hamstring.


It's hardly surprising.. I've had 4 abdominal surgeries over the last year and have done next to no training for the last 14 months.  All that lying about on hospital beds and sofas has affected my posture and core strength and that's not to mention the numerous incisions through my stomach which have caused immeasurable damage. I need to work really hard on re-building that, get plenty of sports massages and just be really careful. The last thing I need right now is a running injury!


I am also going to start a training diary again. I've always done this and found it really useful to not only track progress but look back over sessions and figure out what went well or not so well. It's also handy for tracking the cause of injury and illness. I'm hoping in 6 months time I can look back and be proud of how far I've come.. or perhaps just laugh!  I've entered Tunbridge Wells 10km which is in exactly 4 weeks time.  It's ironic that I did this race last year and it was my first race after surgery then too and I did it with the temporary bag I had at the time.  My PB for 10km is 39.56 (some, ahem, years ago) and I ran Tunbridge Wells 10km last year in 54 minutes. It's hilly and it was only 8 weeks after surgery but I was quite proud of that given where I was at the time. I'm not putting ANY pressure on myself at all and don't really care about the time, but it'll just be interesting to see how it goes this year. 


I'm not complaining because I'm feeling SO much better.. but this is all REALLY hard. I feel like a complete beginner again and I've never been so unfit in my entire life.  Everyone keeps saying it'll come back really quickly, but I know how much work I've got to do. Not only to get my fitness back but avoid injury and manage the potential complications of dehydration, fuelling for longer runs and also the bag itself.  I also estimate I've got about 10lb to lose as well.. quite how I managed to put on weight when I was ill for so long and not able to eat I'm not sure, but I did. I'd gone from training around 10 hours per week to lying about on the couch and eating mostly 'white' food as it was all I could tolerate. Everything is WAY more wobbly than it used to be too and (shock) I've got cellulite! How unfair is that!?


But I'm not going to beat myself up, I know I'm making great progress and I'm feeling really positive, energetic and just well, better! I just have to look back a few months when I was feeling so poorly, awake all night sobbing in pain, unable to eat, exercise or sleep, I can appreciate just how far I've already come.  I don't feel depressed, nor am I grieving for my 'old' body, I don't resent the bag, nor do I wish things were any different. I am honestly grateful for my little stoma and glad I was able to have this surgery. 


And do you know what the best part of today's run was? (aside from my lovely new shoes). As I was running along, I realised that I had completely forgotten that I even had an ileostomy - I didn't even notice it was there. Just how brilliant is that?!